Francine Rivers, John Grisham - and I have a weakness for Nicholas Sparks books - and last but not least I LOVE the Anne of Green Gables books. After, well done good and faithful servant, what is the first thing God will say to you ? - Question asked by Marcia Ware on Way FM और इनके ब्लाग्स हैं - Welcome to the Koeppel Clan । Photos for your enjoyment । Glass - OUCH ! । an interesting weekend ahead ? Halloween photos and recap । Three months and counting down इनके ब्लाग पर जाने हेतु । click blog's title
और आगे पढिये । मौरीन की कुछ रचनायें । read some article from Maureen's blog
Cycles and Autism
For hundreds of thousands of years - as long as there were parents and child relationship there has been a cycle. Parents who hope, pray, wish and dream their children will choose differently or better than they did growing up. For some of us, the regrets
from our youth are very many. For others it's not that you regret your choices, you just would rather your child not struggle like you did growing up.
Never is that cycle more apparent than when the child becomes a parent and they begin to realize, "Oh CRAP ! I hope my child's life is better than my life was" or "I hope they make different choices." Or even, "I made good choices and have lived a good life, I hope my child's life is as fulfilling as mine was." It's inevitable. We all go through it. Especially women.
From the moment most of us get pregnant ( some people aren't dreamers, they are very practical ) we dream of what we hope will our children's life. We have great hopes and great dreams for them. For some
of us, we hold onto those dreams until our children assert their own need for independence. At that time we either hold onto those dreams and force our children into a mold we have designed for them (which may not be the mold God designed for them) or we struggle to let go of our dreams and allow our children to dream for themselves. The latter is preferable for our children, but I will be honest, even Chris and I still struggle to let our oldest daughter, Sarah make her own dreams happen.
When we began to really start testing Elizabeth and I put two and two together, I drove home with a heart
that weighed a ton of lead. It wasn't just that something wasn't right it was that I remember to this day very vividly how people made fun of the special needs children in school when I was growing up. I remember their cruelty to me and I wasn't even as different as Lizzie is now. I walked in the door and Chris knew as soon as he saw the tears running down my face something wasn't right. All I could say was "Something is wrong with our baby. And her life will never be easy or the same." I realized that other people would most likely not see all of the amazing things I saw in Elizabeth. Her vivid imagination, her kind and beautiful heart filled
with compassion for others, or her sense of adventure (even if that sense of adventure is the cause for most of my gray hair). Okay so she still is learning to speak like others, okay so she doesn't see the world as other people see it. Guess what a lot of our great innovators and imagineers in our world didn't see the world through the same eyes as other people.
As time went on and we received her diagnosis we began the process of grieving. It was a loss. Not to death, but to the loss of our dreams for her. Learning to let go of what we had hoped for her future and accepting new goals, hopes and dreams.
Autism isn't a death sentence, nor does it have to be the end of the world. Yes, it comes with it's own challenges and there are obstacles to work on overcoming ( some you achieve, some you learn to accept and some you keep trying ) But there are people with Autism who aren't High Functioning who learn to cook, clean, and have productive lives. They have new programs coming out all of the time for adults with Autism. Programs that aid them in living in the world, or in a community of other adults who struggle with the world too. But they are there.
Letting go and accepting your child's diagnosis is a small part of the journey we take with our children. For some of us, our children can feasibly live without us, for some that is not an option, for others a
group home becomes a reality or an institution. All are tough, letting our children grow up and leave the nest means trusting we've done our best to prepare them for life away from us. For those whose adult children need us to keep them at home, it often presents other problems - like what happens to my child after I am gone, and for those who must put their children in a home or institution there is the guilt of feeling like we failed our children. Regardless though, I think we all struggle with feeling like we failed our children when they are diagnosed with a special needs. Even I struggled, knowing that logically there was nothing I did that caused Lizzie's Autism didn't mean my heart understood. Getting your heart to catch up with your head can sometimes take a long time to connect the two.
There are cycles in life. We all are born, grow up, and face challenges, we become parents ( sometimes before marriage and sometimes afterwards ) and we all struggle to let go of our children and allow them to become their own person. But never, never is that struggle more difficult if you have a child who has medical problems early in life or if you have a child with special needs or if you have to fight for them to be safe and loved. Have a good rest of your week. In Christ,
AND REACT - Very touching and true, a very large part of parenting is learning to let our children go on to have their own
dreams. We all want the best for our children but I think we need to learn early that these children we have, have minds and identities of their own :) Great post Maureen
Ah the weekend
I hope everyone had a good weekend. We had an eventful one to say the least.
Friday I took Chris to work and then drove to McConnell AFB to do the grocery shopping at the base commissary. All went off without event, until I was heading home and started to exit off I-135 when the timing belt went out on the car. Suddenly the car just stopped and I couldn't get it to start again. So I called 911 who put me through to the Highway Patrol then I called AAA for towing service. My biggest concerns were A ) I was on the off ramp and people weren't paying attention to my hazard signals. It worried me that they would rear end me. And B) and more importantly - I had Beka in the car with me. AHHHHH ! I was very relieved when the Highway Patrol came and parked behind me. It took an hour and 20 minutes for the tow truck to make it to us - so I was glad I had the backup there.
So the blessing in all of this, is that Chris's Grandma Dorothy Neal used to have a car just like our old Acclaim and so he knew how to fix it. Did you know that a timing belt is usually only $30 - $40 to purchase - it is the labor costs that get you when you have a mechanic do it? I didn't know this, so Praise God, Chris not only fixed it, but it didn't cost us a fortune. He also has changed the master cylinder and is going to replace the brake pads on the car. Oh, yes I forgot to mention this is Mom's old Plymouth Acclaim. Sadly, this car works better for us than the Chrysler LHS ( it's a 99 ) we purchase last winter. I think Chris is seriously regretting purchasing it now. It's kind of a gas guzzler and the irony in that is that he traded in his truck so he could save money because the truck was a gas guzzler !
Other than all of this, we are doing fine. Beka has diaper rash, but it isn't really anything that a few
days with Desitin can't fix. Sarah and Elizabeth did very well this weekend - i.e. they got along. That is almost miraculous within itself. I hope you all have a good week. In Christ, Maureen
Glass - OUCH
So we've all been there. You have swept the floor and you think it's clean when ouch you suddenly realize that you are wrong. Well that would be me on Sunday. I knew Sarah had stepped on something sharp earlier a few days ago and I had her sweep to take care of it. However, as is typical of teenagers, she did a half-shod job and so Sunday evening I stepped on a piece of glass. Normally I wouldn't have been hurting so badly, but a piece of the glass broke off in my heel. Of course, I was a total ninny and attempted to get it out myself. Thank goodness I realized we couldn't find the tweezers and since I was in no place to go walking around helping them find them, to the Emergency Room we went.
Honestly when we got there, we weren't sure what to expect, I think Chris and I both thought we'd be there for hours on end, but thankfully that was not the case. We actually were only there about 2 hours - which considering how long it could have
been, is very good. In the end, I had to have them deaden the heel with a shot of numbing stuff I can't spell and out it came. They weren't kidding when they said it would work fast or that it would hurt when the medicine went in, but it was the best $50 co-pay we've ever paid. I would do it again and Praise God that we have great health insurance through Chris' job. It makes me incredibly thankful, because I have friends on both sides of the fence. Some have good insurance, some have crummy insurance and then I have several who have no insurance. So we truly are fortunate and blessed that Chris has a good paying job with great benefits.
Things here are slow and uneventful. Thursday night is Spaght's Math Night and Elizabeth is a team leader, but other than that, there isn't a lot to tell.
Okay that isn't true, we had Parent-Teacher conferences last week and both girls teachers had a lot to
say about them and most of it was good. We have finally come to a place I think I hoped we wouldn't come to for a few more years, but Lizzie is having difficulty staying focused. So now that she is taller and older, it is time to consider whether or not to think about medication. It wasn't ever that we were completely opposed to medication, it was that we felt that four years old was too young to discuss medication. Especially when she was so small and under height and weight that people thought that she was two years old instead of four. So here we are, and in a few weeks, we will go to the pediatrician and discuss medication. I want some time to research our options and to pray about this some more. I'm not sure that I am entirely in favor of medicating children. My main concern is that children's brains are not
like adult brains - they do not have all of their neurotransmitters developed yet and they aren't fully functional like ours - so what can putting them on medication do to their still developing brain. However, having said that, I want Elizabeth to succeed in school as well, and how can she do that if she cannot stay focused in school. So I will research and pray and weigh the pros and cons of medication vs. no medication and Chris and I will go from there.
I hope you all have a good week. God bless you all. In Christ, Maureen
Three months and counting down
Well we are 96 days away from when Chris' orders begin. He informed me of this last night shortly before bed. Of course, I am not necessarily thrilled. Deployment has it's advantages and it's
disadvantages. The advantages are that we don't pay taxes once he gets over there and once he re-enlists we can have that money tax free as well. However, the disadvantages are more numerous. We are here without Chris, which stinks tremendously. It also means that I am doing the single parent thing - although in truth, this isn't much different from out life now, because Chris works second shift, but at least when he's home I get a break. Also I am the one in charge of keeping the finances in order. Now I have my strengths, but balancing my checkbook is not one of them - I am terrible with money. However, Chris' mom offered to help me out with the money this time so I can't make it a huge mess. Also I am removing my debit card from my wallet and we are staying home a lot. Beka fares much better when we stay home and so does Lizzie. So home we will stay at home and work on keeping Lizzie and the girls on track. It helps that I have good friends and family now. I had friends and family last time,
but I tended to withdraw and keep to myself, which I won't do this time. Please keep us in your prayers, we are going to need all the help we can from God to get through this year.
I also ask that you keep Lizzie in your prayers, her asthma is acting up. And we found out from the specialist that it is in fact, asthma. So this poor girl has autism, asthma, allergies, and amblyopia. Talk about getting it all and enjoying it less!
I hope everyone has a good week. We will be keeping you all in our prayers as well. Love In Christ, Maureen
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